Summer is such an exciting time, because it is “wedding season”. Some of my best friends are now engaged! A few of them have asked me what advice I would give them as they enter into their marriage. I always tell them that I am no expert on the topic, but I could share with them what I have learned through premarital counseling with my pastors, Keith and Margie Nix, and in my own marriage. I love this topic. I am a believer in the power of love!
Here are my seven tips for the engaged and newly married:
1. Put Jesus at the center.
A great relationship isn’t made of two people, it’s made of three: man, woman, and Jesus. We cannot do anything successfully without Jesus. He has to be our first priority in everything! I have learned that in putting Jesus first, I can love Caleb on a much deeper level. Practically speaking, you can pray together and do devotionals together to keep Jesus at the center. Also, very important, GO TO CHURCH TOGETHER! Cannot stress that enough!
2. Stay best friends.
Like best friends do, continue investing in the friendship. Continue to learn new things about each other. Never stop learning! Whenever you reach the place where you think you know everything there is to know, then you may be in trouble. There is always something new to discover about your spouse.
3. Keep the romance alive.
In marriage, it is very important to make time for sex. That’s right I said it. Sex is important! Go read 1 Corinthians 7:5-6! I like the way The Message paraphrase says it, “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.”
4. Put each other’s needs before your own.
Marriage is about becoming one with your spouse. I love the way Pastor Keith Nix says it, “On your wedding day, you celebrate two funerals and one resurrection. The two shall become one.” This means you live your lives trying to out-serve each other.
5. Walk closely with Godly, seasoned couples.
We are all about community and mentorship! Caleb and I have always surrounded ourselves with Godly couples who have been married longer than us. These are such special relationships that can help hold you accountable in your marriage as it grows.
6. Make date night a priority.
We try to always have at least one date night each week. It is important to make time for each other, regardless of how busy your schedule may be. So, whether it is out roller skating or movie night in the house, make it a date!
7. Make sure you are on the same page financially.
You need to have a budget that you both agree on, and establish some ground rules with each other. Never make big financial decisions alone. I would also advise against two separate bank accounts. There is no “his money” or “her money”, it should be “our money”. When two became one, that also should include the bank accounts. Trust me on this. Respect each other’s upbringing in regards to money. You may have different spending habits and that is okay. Just make sure you talk about it.
I hope these seven tips help you like they have helped us! We are always working on our relationship. We never want to stop growing and maturing. So, follow us in this: never stop trying to grow and develop in your marriage. Go for gold!
